No Refunds for Past Mistakes (On Hiatus)
by Don't Eat Dead Doves
Summary: The Real Epilogue. Follows one asshole informant as he returns to wreak havoc in Ikebukuro (And a city that doesn't know what they would do without him) Rated for language
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing. **

* * *

_I__zaya Orihara is back in Ikebukuro._

This is a sentence that will ruin life as we know it, a sentence that will pull a tear in the city's peaceful era. _(However short it may be._)

The citizens weren't quite sure at first, but a cloud of trepidation casts shadows over the bright afternoon sunlight, gang activity ceases for an odd moment, and a nostalgic sense of excitement fills the city's shallow heart.

As much as they enjoyed it, the city has been too calm lately, too dull, too composed.

The government has nothing to complain about anymore. The tabloids have no new stories. The street gangs still reign high, but their crimes lack the flair and dramatics that hiding from Izaya and Shizuo used to bring them.

Yes, they all agree, they have no cause to be sneaky, no one to run from anymore, for the police are all woefully incompetent. Now, they have no Shizuo to pick up their slack in beating up criminals, or in cussing them out, no Izaya to ruin their lives with the press of a button, or the deliverance of a single email, or the curve of a knife to carve deep into their image.

There is no challenge, no competition, no unrest.

And it is oh-so dreadfully _boring_.

Izaya Orihara (_like the flea he is)_ sank his teeth into Ikebukuro's pearly flesh and left them scratching. Their nails still drag blood from a scab they will never let heal. The man has marked them as he claimed them, his own puny humans to watch over with that odd love of his. They do not miss him, but they can not be satisfied without him.

The same can be said for one Shizou Heiwajima.

.

.

.

.

The monster and the flea have conversed since Izaya left.

Shizuo is still a bartender, and still has anger issues, and still lays claim as the city's guardian, but now the disaster he leaves in his wake is considerably less than it was in past years.

He does not miss Izaya, but when Shinra asked teasingly if he missed his boyfriend he proceeded to beat the shit out of the man before Celty was merciful enough to stop him. _(And he most certainly did not blush!)_

He does not miss Izaya, but he can't shake the feeling that this is the calm before the storm. That somewhere out there Izaya is alive and kicking and ready for revenge.

He does not miss Izaya, but now no one else is nearly as gutsy as to call him Shizu-chan. He mentioned this once to Simon and instantly regretted it. The russian didn't leave him alone for weeks!

Shizuo Heiwajima is a monster, but he is _Ikebukuro's_ monster. He is their guardian, their protector from threats too big for the citizens to handle. If Shizuo was the Hulk, Izaya was Loki. Their fights seemed like games, but it was so much more dangerous than that. They had seemed like games, but both had struck to win, struck to kill.

Izaya was, no, _is _the villain, but now the city has no need for heroes.

.

.

.

.

The informant is gone, and Shizuo is still searching for someone else to match his strength, someone to relieve his anger, someone to call him by some infuriating nickname.

.

.

.

.

As mentioned, the monster and the flea have conversed since the final battle.

Shinra took sadistic glee in giving them each other's phone numbers for the sole purpose of his own amusement, or so he _said_.

He was relieved when his beloved Celty confided in him that she had let the informant live.

_(Shizuo was shocked, and angry, and a_ little _relieved that the informant was alive _at all_.)_

The first few times they talked, Shizuo was polite enough to pretend he didn't notice Izaya's voice shaking as he proceeded to cuss out the monster.

Later conversations were almost peaceful.

The more recent ones were frankly concerning.

Shizuo and Izaya's conversations usually ended in long periods of blocked calls and texts, and phones hurled against walls or smashed in fists. Izaya still found a way to bug Shizuo, however. He would send letters or broadcast his messages on all the screens through Ikebukuro.

The city lives for these encounters, and some hope that Shizuo will keep blocking the flea. His younger sisters and Simon take solace in the fact that Izaya is still alive. Others, like Celty or Mikado, are torn between amusement and horror, as Izaya Orihara is a demon that has twice defied death, and thrice damned their city.

Shizuo stops blocking him eventually, and the two have reconciled somewhat.

_He's ok. _Is the treasonous thought that runs through his head.

It had been almost four years since the final battle, and Shizuo could almost hear the informant's smirk over the phone. Izaya had started physical therapy, and now tortures the citizens of Bunokura by running across walls and hurling knives at various criminals.

Izaya laughs and Shizuo tells him to get his ass back to Ikebukuro so he can kill him once and for all.

"Of course, Shizu-chan! You are a monster after all!"

"FUCK YOU FLEA! FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S SHIZUO, DAMNITT!"

"Fuck me? How lewd Shizu-chan! I suppose I'll take you up on your offer, my humans can't live without me, after all!"

"You-you're coming back?" He ignores the inuendo and deigns to voice his horror.

"Awww, did Shizu-chan miss me~?"

"NO!" Izaya's cackle can be heard all throughout Bunokura. They pity the poor souls Izaya had his sights on next.

Later, the citizens of Ikebukuro, realize that they should have recognized the beginning of the end.

.

.

.

.

Shizuo Heiwajima was _smiling._

* * *

**Don't forget to read and review! I love advice, feedback, criticism. So let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Shinra prided himself in his ability to be an asshole.

He always had.

Still, as he curled against Celty and watched as Shizuo screamed into the phone he remembered a conversation he had with Izaya-kun a long time ago, back in their highschool days. He wished he could have done something then, told them what a disaster it would all become, that their little skirmishes would have no end, that they would fight until they forgot why they were fighting.

.

.

.

.

"_Izaya-kun?"_

"_Has it ever occurred to you...that you might be the tiniest bit..._afraid _of Shizuo-kun?" He regretted the words as soon as he said them. Shinra bit the inside of his lip until he could taste copper, yet his face remained that sadistic, impassive expression he always wore._

"_Puh-leeze Shinra-kun! Monsters like Shizu-chan are more disgusting than scary, don't you think~?" He gave a mad giggle, and clutched the back of his chair a little harder. _

_Shinra regretted this. He may be _partly _to blame for his friend's insanity, but...no. Izaya had always been like this, but he was tempered by an unwillingness to express himself, no _outlet_._

_Shizuo-kun became that outlet, but that wasn't exactly healthy. The two would short circuit eventually, it was really a matter of who first._

_And well, it was years too late, when Shinra finally realized the demon had never given him an answer._

_._

_._

_._

_._

"You-you're coming back?" The blond's voice breaks him out of his stupor, he can hear Izaya's cackles over the phone.

"Shinra." Shizuo's face is equal parts mollified and equal parts hysterical.

"Hide the valuebles."

"Hm?" Shinra pushes up his glasses and Celty dodges his clever swipe at her cleavage.

"Izaya," He swallows, "is coming back."

There is complete silence in the room.

"Celty~! Get in the closet, now!" If Izaya even touched his most valuable, the man would be dead before he hit the floor!

Shizuo just buried his head in his hands as Shinra bounced around the room, attempting to lead Celty to the closet. If Celty had eyes, she would surely be rolling them. She walks over and cuffs Shinra on the back of the neck before dragging him to the bedroom.

"Seeya Shizuo!" Shinra shouts happily, "Now, now, my beloved, no doing the naughty in front of impressionable minds." He gestures to Shizuo but the blond had already left.

'_Idiot.' _Celty writes on the whiteboard taped to the counter. '_Will he be ok?'_

Shinra sighs, and goes to find the hard liquor. He's been saving it for times like these.


	3. Chapter 3

Mikado first sees him as he walks down the street with Anri, the two are headed to Russia Sushi in order to celebrate Masaomi's return to Ikebukuro with Erika and the gang.

The poor not quite man, not quite boy is pointedly not thinking about how Izaya's messages to Shizuo gave him the strangest sense of foreboding.

.

.

.

.

_The coat didn't mean anything._

It was a popular coat after all, and sure it wasn't unusual to be wearing a fur lined coat. _(perhaps it was someone dressing up as Izaya for halloween, that was sure to give little kid's nightmares.) _

Mikado then remembered that Halloween wasn't for another week and children aren't that tall. The man appears to be heading in the same direction as them, and Mikado remembers that Shizuo has a tendency to frequent Russia Sushi since Izaya left.

The man turns, and his smirk is what says it all. It's like seeing a ghost or a demon, the informant's familiar red eyes look them up and down, noticing the rings on each other's fingers.

"Ooh~! Mika-chan putting the works on Anri-Chan! My little humans are so~ predictable!"

"Hey, isn't that…" Anri cuts off when Mikado grabs her hand and runs.

When they're a safe distance away he pulls out his phone and texts Celty.

.

.

.

.

Celty was patrolling the city as usual when the signature ring from her phone lets her know it's Mikado.

She reaches into her pocket with a gloved hand and reads his message. She then thinks some rather eloquent swear words, the Dullahan are notorious for cultivating, and which I won't repeat for the safety or younger readers.

She hops on her motorcycle and hopes she'll get their in time.

.

.

.

.

All three parties are unaware of the TV cameras and reporters following them. They aren't the least bit subtle, but they are far too excited to care. A nameless reporter smiles so wide her face splits and she needs stitches.

She ignores the tissue, this story could make or break her career.

.

.

.

.

Somehow, Erika knew this all before hand.

Izaya had texted her saying he had wanted to surprise Shizuo, and her inner fujoshi couldn't help but agree. So, with a stupid little grin, she told everyone she knew to meet her at Russia Sushi. The others were suspicious, but it was _Erika_, so who wouldn't be?

She then discreetly let her reporter friend know what was about to go down, careful not to tip off Izaya.

Erika likes to think she did it out of the goodness of her heart, the reporter was in a bit of a rut and was in search of a new story after all. This was sure to do wonders for her career!

But of course, this was _Erika_, so we should always assume the worst. Erika smiles, she's a great friend, and..._This was practically a money making jackpot after all!_ C'mon Izaya, I thought you had some more common sense? _(He does, he just chooses to ignore it)_

Erika also made sure to get a spot at the counter so she could have a front row seat for when Shizuo saw his beloved Izaya's face.

This was sure to be interesting.

.

.

.

.

Across the city, at a certain sushi shop, a blond makes a point to ignore the drooling female seated at the counter. Why the fuck did she want him to come to this again? He was sure Mikado and Masaomi didn't like him _that_ much anyway.

The blonde shivers, for some unknown reason he just had the most terrible feeling of dread.

* * *

**Hi dudes! I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind reviews. I sort of write whenever the plot bunnies jump into my brain, so I never had an actual plan for this story. **

**I've started to draft the plot more, and think I'll be able to finish this in about two or three more updates. **

**Thanks, everyone! Sorry if this chapter feel kind of rushed, from now on I'll try to publish one every week or so.**


End file.
